This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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