Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My ass is underappreciated
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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