I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
