Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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