I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
