i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
