there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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