Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Randomize
