dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
