Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.