she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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