there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.