I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
