after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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