Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
