I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
