it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
