so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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