so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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