Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
