I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
