Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
