I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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