so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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