I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I had your ass I would rule the world
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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