my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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