sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
