he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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