Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
