Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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