He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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