Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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