Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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