Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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