I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
