Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
