Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
