i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
