so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Are my feet made of real feet?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
