You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
