Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
