if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
