can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
