You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
