I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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