i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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