when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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