why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
