you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
