the condom got lost in my hair
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
