I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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