okay pat passed out under dana's car
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
