Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
