UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
