I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
