ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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