Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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