Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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