Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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