I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
