You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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