So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
