Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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