Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.