youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument