It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.