I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!