You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So many bounce houses so little time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder