I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"