i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
