it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
