I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
