alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
