I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
