Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
